From some lame idiot's Family Newsletter...

I really can't stand Unicorns. Personally, Im not sure why everyone likes them so much. They are such an over-rated animal. If I put a single horn on my head, would people adore me? I don't think so. Lets take a step back further, shall we? Think of a Rhino. Why do people tend to respect Rhinos? Because they dont live very long if they don't. You're looking at the business end of an emotionally unstable school bus... but not a nice normal school bus, This bus has a spike on it (unfortunately for the sake of clarity, I had to change "horn" to "spike" here. It is unfortunate that nearly every bus I have encountered also has a horn :-\). Not only does it have a horn, but that horn is located atop its nose. none of this pansy above the ears business, oh no. When this guy impales ya, he wants to smell the encounter close up. Rhinos are intense. Now, lets take the Unicorn. Being nearly, if not completely extinct, it decides that its going to have a horn. That will give me the respect I need to differentiate me from a horse. That just the ticket. Then I'll grow a little goat goatee to complete the image. Its perfect. Except that a little white pony just doesn't have the intimidation factor to pull off the horn / facial hair combo. Its kind of like giving a kitten a spike collar. He's just doing it to attract the women. According to wikipedia: "The gentle and pensive maiden has the power to tame the unicorn" Yeah right! Oh I can change him! He will be different for me. They're not "lost in thought", they're just stupid. Its all a show ladies! He isn't really a trouble soul! Its just a stinking pony with a thing strapped to his head! Notice me! I just rubberbanded this stapler to my head! (for the record, very little romantic success with that one to date, but the years still young right?) Now a woman that could tame a rhino? That is something I could be interested in. (Also probably why grandma isn't likely to see any offspring from this branch of the family any time soon... Sorry! ;-)